I came across this picture on Facebook and was immediately drawn to the creativity and depth of it. I’d seen the picture before but the caption is also what captured my attention. The transfer of energy, something I’d recently become familiar with, was indeed real. I perused the comments and someone said this picture signified trying to give life to a dead situation.
As if this picture wasn’t already deep enough, that comment just brought it home for me. I’m not ashamed to admit that more than a few times in my life, I was this chick. Holding on to something dead. Trying to resurrect something dead. Thinking that if I just loved him harder, if I was his freak, if I submitted, he would dramatically raise up from the dead and love me back. The truth of the matter was simple: I was wasting my time trying to make him love me.
One thing I learned from this dead relationship was he could not give me what he did not possess. In this picture, the woman is flesh. She has a heart, mind, soul but the man is simply a shell. There is no intentions to decipher; he was empty. But why couldn’t she see that?
I replaced the reality of us with the fantasy I so desperately created. Despite years of showing me he did not possess the type of love I needed, I thought one day, he would finally wake up and see that I could make him happy. That’s what love does, right? It sticks around in the good and the bad? It looks over faults? No matter how I tried to spin it, no matter how many excuses I made, no matter how many times we had sex, THIS WAS NEVER LOVE. The sex, the time and the energy I was putting into him was getting me nothing in return. As a matter of fact, I was being drained of my optimism of love. The hopeful romantic in me was becoming bitter, callous and nonchalant.
I could never take back the time I wasted but I had to make it worthwhile and learn something from it: I am too valuable to be hooked up with anything dead. I am full of life. I am loving. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am sexy. I am more than this. I deserve more than this. And I will command more than this.